{"id":1152,"date":"2023-11-21T23:10:03","date_gmt":"2023-11-22T04:10:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.exunoplures.org\/main\/?page_id=1152"},"modified":"2025-09-29T11:44:41","modified_gmt":"2025-09-29T15:44:41","slug":"tanks-a-lot","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.exunoplures.org\/main\/publications\/audio-theatre\/tanks-a-lot\/","title":{"rendered":"Tanks a Lot!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A<\/a><\/p>\n

Tanks a lot, assholes!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Jack Dawkins and Vladimir \u201cVova” Romanov are working with other leftists to establish an anti-Trump organising group. Jack and Vova are excited to have invited two activists to join them\u2014Ben (Hess Sakal) and Caleb (Yavari Romanov [then Caralize])\u2014but are quickly dismayed to find out that they\u2019re talking to a pair of bona fide tankies! Who are tankies, you may ask? They\u2019re a seriously weird agglomeration of leftists who think that North Korea is a workers\u2019 paradise rather than a totalitarian hellhole, Joseph Stalin was a shining example of humanity, and any power opposed to the United States and NATO (for example, Russia, China, and Iran) is worth supporting for that reason. Clearly unaware that two wrongs don\u2019t make a right, tankies are a nuisance in any left-wing movement\u2014and Jack and Vova learn this firsthand. (Aside: We should tell you about the time that we were moderating a LiveJournal plurality community and came across Headmate Stalin, but that\u2019s a story for later…)\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Featuring Jack Dawkins (himself), Vladimir Romanov (himself), Hess Sakal (Ben), Yavari Caralize (Caleb), and Zip T. Wexler (himself). Recorded in October 2023.<\/p>\n

\n

Jack Dawkins and Vladimir “Vova” Romanov are working with other leftists to establish an anti-Trump organising group. Jack and Vova are excited to have invited two activists to join them\u2014Ben (Hess Sakal) and Caleb (Yavari Romanov [then Caralize])\u2014but are quickly dismayed to find out that they\u2019re talking to a pair of bona fide tankies! Who are tankies, you may ask? They\u2019re a seriously weird agglomeration of leftists who think that North Korea is a workers\u2019 paradise rather than a totalitarian hellhole, Joseph Stalin was a shining example of humanity, and any power opposed to the United States and NATO (for example, Russia, China, and Iran) is worth supporting for that reason. Clearly unaware that two wrongs don\u2019t make a right, tankies are a nuisance in any left-wing movement\u2014and Jack and Vova learn this firsthand. (Aside: We should tell you about the time that we were moderating a LiveJournal plurality community and came across Headmate Stalin, but that\u2019s a story for later…)\u00a0<\/i><\/i><\/p>\n

Featuring Jack Dawkins (himself), Vladimir Romanov (himself), Hess Sakal (Ben), Yavari Caralize (Caleb), and Zip T. Wexler (himself). Recorded in October 2023.<\/p>\n

Transcript:<\/p>\n

*a clip from The Beatles\u2019 “Back in the USSR” plays*<\/i><\/i><\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Fucking hell, where are those two? Organising groups is like herding cats.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> I know. I\u2019ve been doing this for years and it\u2019s still so fucking difficult. But at least we have two new people to join us in our efforts to take down Donald Trump once and for all. *clip of Fuck Donald Trump\u2019 plays in the background* Perhaps we can get some left unity.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Oh, look! There\u2019s a knock at the door. *knocking*<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> This is Ben, and I\u2019m here with Caleb.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Oh, brilliant! Come in! Welcome to the Fuck Donald Trump Team, for lack of a better name.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Oh, that\u2019s an awesome name, actually.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Brilliant. So, how should we start organising our plan? You know, Trump has decided to run for president again.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Wait a second, you\u2019re British. Wouldn\u2019t you be considered a kind of foreign agent?<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> I\u2019m an expat, Caleb. I think it\u2019ll be just fine.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> OK.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> I know. I think the first thing we need to do is consider the material conditions behind support for, er, Donald Trump. (And I\u2019d be a foreign agent too. I\u2019m from London, so you\u2019re just going to have to deal with it. Anyway, I think we need to look at the material conditions behind support for Donald Trump. *A clip of Madonna”s “Material Girl” plays for a few seconds.*<\/i> We need to consider the base and not just the superstructure.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Yeah. I think we need to go back to the basics. Y\u2019know, Vladimir Lenin said\u2014<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> What?! I don\u2019t think what Vladimir Lenin said is necessarily relevant.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> What do you mean Lenin\u2019s not relevant? He\u2019s as relevant as he was a hundred years ago. Lenin\u2019s work is timeless. You can\u2019t beat the classics! UGH!<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Aren\u2019t you tired of working with these bourgeois pseudo-leftists?<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Who are you calling a bourgeois pseudo-leftist?<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> We didn\u2019t say you were, but. I noticed that, uh\u2026 what\u2019s that guy\u2019s name? I know we\u2019ve met you, Jack. I know we\u2019ve talked to you online, but\u2026<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Hi. I\u2019m Vova.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Vova, that\u2019s an interesting name.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> It\u2019s short for Vladimir.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Oh my god! You\u2019re Russian! That\u2019s so cool. I love Russia. Vladimir Lenin was from Russia. And there was no more important political and social movement than the Russian Revolution. And here we are organising with an actual Russian! Isn\u2019t this amazing?<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Uh\u2026 thank you?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> You know, I have an ushanka!<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> You know, I\u2019ve worn an ushanka maybe twice in the past six years.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Oh, I wear mine every winter and it\u2019s got a big red star on it.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Oh yeah, I\u2019ve got an ushanka too! Isn\u2019t it brilliant? We love Russia! Oh god!<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> That\u2019s\u2026 nice? I\u2019m\u2014I\u2019m very flattered to hear that you love Russia. Especially since Russia has pissed me off a lot lately.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Don\u2019t tell me you don\u2019t support the special military operation.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Special military operation! I thought we were here to organise against Trump!<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> We are. But you keep spouting bourgeois propaganda about the special military operation and about the timeless work of Vladimir Lenin. And we are supposed to be a leftist group. How can you do this? You know, if you\u2019re not a Marxist, you\u2019re a liberal and you\u2019re bourgeois\u2014<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> *rolls over laughing*<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> What are you laughing at, Vova?<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> *laughs* You\u2019re\u2014you\u2019re telling US that you\u2019re spouting propaganda. What are you doing? Don\u2019t tell me you like North Korea too.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Don\u2019t call it North Korea! It\u2019s the DPRK.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> What the hell is the DPRK? Is that like Deepak Chopra or something?<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Zip, what are you doing here?<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> I sneaked in. Also, who the fuck are these clowns? Vladimir Lenin? North Korea?<\/i><\/b> What the fuck? DPRK? It\u2019s North Korea!<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Stop calling it North Korea! It\u2019s the Democratic People\u2019s Republic of Korea or People\u2019s Korea. It\u2019s not North Korea. That\u2019s just what liberal bourgeois media call it!<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> It is Korea, and it is the northern half of it. Therefore, it is North Korea.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> North Korea! *scoffs* North Korea. The only people who call it North Korea are people who don\u2019t approve of its government.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> That\u2019s most people, because North Korea starves its own people and is basically George Orwell\u2019s Nineteen Eighty-four<\/i> in real life.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Oh my god. Nineteen Eighty-four<\/i> is an anti-communist tract created by MI6 to turn people away from a legitimate proletarian movement. They say Orwell was a leftist. No, he wasn\u2019t. He was just a liberal in leftist\u2019s clothing.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> I know, right? I just\u2014Orwell! It\u2019s Orwellian! It\u2019s Orwellian! Oh, please<\/em>. Orwell! Orwell! And who quotes Orwell? A bunch of old neoconservatives who hate communists. And if we want to organise against Trump, we need to do it in a way that is truly based on the material conditions that people are dealing with.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Trump supporters are dealing with economic anxiety. That\u2019s just an excuse for racism, asshole.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> No, it isn\u2019t. How could you\u2014Don\u2019t be racialist. You can\u2019t put race in there. It\u2019s about class. The class struggle between the bourgeoisie and proletariat. And if the proletariat take control of the means of production, then we can have a free society. We can establish a dictatorship of the proletariat, and get rid of all these class differences, and we won\u2019t need to worry about racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism. All of it is subordinate to the base, and the base is the class struggle and the material conditions that lead to dissatisfaction among the proletariat.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Yeah. You wanna hear about the labour theory of value?<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> No, I don\u2019t. I want to talk about how we can concretely\u2014<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Concrete! That\u2019s a material cond\u2014<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Shut up. I want to talk about how we can help defeat Donald J. Trump.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Yeah. We\u2019ve gotta beat Trump! We can\u2019t just sit around here talking about… What next, you guys like Stalin or something? You already said you like North Korea. Surprised we haven\u2019t heard anything about Stalin yet.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Stalin is deeply, deeply misunderstood by bourgeois liberals.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> If you say the word “bourgeois” one more time\u2026<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Bourgeois, bourgeois, bourgeois!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Shut up, Zip!<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Bourgeoooooois!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Shut up, Zip.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Anyway. Bourgeois propaganda likes to portray Stalin as a tyrant. But he was deeply misunderstood, and it was mostly his advisers that implemented the policies that are widely associated with quote-unquote “Stalinism.” There is no Stalinism. There is just Marxism-Leninism, which is built on the ironclad work of Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels, Vladimir Lenin, and, of course, Stalin. But we don\u2019t call it “Stalinism.” Because anything else is revisionist bullshit. Trotskyism? Revisionist. And you guys sound like a bunch of revisionists too. But we\u2019re willing to work with you. Because we hate Trump too, because he\u2019s a fascist piece of shit.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> For once I agree with you\u2026 but still\u2026 Stalin?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Yeah, Stalin. Anyway. Stalin took the Soviet Union to new heights. But all you hear in school, all you hear, is nonstop slurs and smears about Stalin.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Stalin\u2026 Stalin\u2026 Stalin. I don\u2019t\u2014Please. You know, I had relatives who were terrified of Stalin.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> What the hell is this? You are a Russian leftist<\/i><\/b> and you don\u2019t like Stalin?<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> No, I don\u2019t like Stalin. I think he was monstrous. I think he was a totalitarian dictator. Yes, I\u2019m a socialist. Yes, I\u2019m Russian. No, I don\u2019t like Stalin. They are all equally possible.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> *sighs* I can\u2019t believe you! We came here to organise with fellow leftists, but all we hear is a bunch of bourgeois propaganda.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Bourgeois! Bourgeois, bourgeois, bourgeois!<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Caleb is right. People don\u2019t get Stalin, you know?<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Can you two shut the fuck up about how you want to fellate Stalin and get back to work!<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Aw man, these guys are nuts!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Tell me about it. How did you even find about our group anyway?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Oh, um. We were on, I think it was some, like, kind of Discord group, and somebody was sending links to organising anti-Trump groups. And we thought this group sounded pretty cool. You said you were explicitly leftist. You said you were not interested in just copying what CNN and the New York Times<\/i> said. And so we thought it would be a great idea? I think we got a link to it from\u2014there was this group that was, uh, supporting the special military operation.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> What? How do you find us through a pro-Putin group?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> It\u2019s not a pro-Putin group, Jack. It\u2019s a leftist group that\u2019s opposed to US and NATO imperialism and their war against Russia.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> You just called it a war.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> It\u2019s a war by NATO and the US. It is a special military operation from Russia. If NATO hadn\u2019t expanded to Russia\u2019s borders, then Russia wouldn\u2019t have launched its special military operation.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> And the CIA launched a coup in Kiev in 2014 that turned Ukraine into a Nazi regime. Putin launched his special military operation to demilitarise and denazify the Ukraine.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Bullshit! I don\u2019t like the Ukrainian government much either, and the far-right problem is real, but the only person who chose to do this is Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. And CIA did not start a coup in Kiev. Is this InfoWars?<\/i><\/i><\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> *imitates Alex Jones\u2019s voice* They\u2019re turning the friggin\u2019 frogs gay!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Shut up, Zip. Again.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> They call me Zip because they\u2019re always telling me to zip it!<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Uh, no. Alex Jones is a fascist nutcase.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Yeah, but he\u2019s right about the CIA. He gets traction because the bourgeois media isn\u2019t speaking to proletarians like you and I!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> You and me. In any case\u2026<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> You know, if you want real news, I recommend RT<\/i>, or Sputnik<\/i>, or Telesur<\/i>, or Press TV<\/i> for proper news instead of all the imperialist propaganda you can find in the Collective West. You know, CNN, and NBC, and the New York Times<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Ugh. The New York Times<\/i> has got a transphobia problem, as does The Guardian<\/i>\u2026<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Oh yeah, The Guardian<\/i>\u2019s terrible too.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> I don\u2019t like The Guardian<\/i> either, for that reason\u2014for the transphobia problem. BUT. That doesn\u2019t mean that RT, Sputnik<\/i>, or Telesur<\/i>, or Press TV<\/i> are necessarily reliable sources\u2026 In fact, they\u2019re propaganda as well.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Ben\u2019s right. This is great anti-imperialist coverage that you don\u2019t see in the West.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Since when is anything from Russia anti-imperialist?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Russia is not an imperialist power. Vladimir Lenin says that imperialism is the highest stage of capitalism. Russia is not extracting resources from other countries. Russia is a petrostate that uses its own resources. It does not set up colonies in the same way that the Statesians\u2014<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Statesians? You mean Americans<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> No, Statesians. America is not an accurate name, because it also refers to North America and South America. And we\u2019ve heard from our comrades in Venezuela that you don\u2019t call the entire\u2014that you do not call the United States \u201cAmerica” because it represents an arrogant form of American imperialism.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> But that\u2019s what Americans call themselves.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> So? I don\u2019t care. It\u2019s imperialist. And Russia\u2019s not imperialist though.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> So, it tries to take over a country it used to control. Since when is that not imperialist? Also, what happened to that Russian Empire\u2026<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Oh, shut up, Jack.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Don\u2019t tell me to shut up. I\u2019m the organiser here. You\u2019re not going to tell me to shut up. This is my group and you\u2019re not\u2014<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Ex-cuuuuuse me? I have every right to talk about how imperialism has\u2014<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> And you don\u2019t think Russia\u2019s imp\u2014<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> No, it\u2019s not. Not according to Lenin\u2026<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> I don\u2019t give a tinker\u2019s fucking damn what Lenin has to say. What do you have to say?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> I\u2019m a Marxist<\/i><\/b>, Jack! My thinking\u2014<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> It sounds like you\u2019ve outsourced your thinking to Vladimir Lenin, or Stalin or, god forbid, Kim Jong Un.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Kim Jong Un. He\u2019s so misunderstood.\u00a0It\u2019s important to support actually existing socialist states like the Democratic Republic of\u2014the Democratic People\u2019s Republic\u2026<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> You can\u2019t even say the whole name! You just want to call it North Korea like everyone else.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> I mean the Democratic People\u2019s Republic of North Korea.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> See, you keep wanting to call it North Korea.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> I mean, the People\u2019s Democratic Korean Republic of the North.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Just say North Korea, bud.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Uh, the People\u2019s Democratic Republic of North Korea? The North Korean Popular Republic of\u2026 I mean the the North Kor\u2014Aaaah! Ugh! I think your bourgeois revisionism is starting to infect my brain. I mean the Democratic People\u2019s Republic of North Korea. I mean, uh, the Democratic People\u2019s Republic of North\u2014Ugh! I mean the People\u2019s Democratic Republic of Nor\u2014 Ugh! I mean the Democratic People\u2019s Republic of Nnnnnn\u2014Korea. What was I saying before you guys threw me off about North\u2014the DPRK? Oh, right, we were talking about the bourgeois media and great alternatives to it, right? You know, Sputnik, RT, Telesur, Press TV?<\/i> Great stuff.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Are you being paid by the Kremlin? Or Iran or Venezuela?<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> You mean Vuvuzela! *Zip plays a vuvuzela*\u00a0<\/i><\/i><\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> Are you being paid by George Soros?<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Comrade Lenin says\u2026<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> *snorts* Is everything you say a paraphrase of Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin, or Mao?<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> You forgot Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping?<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Putin\u2019s not a communist, mate. The only Vladimir to praise is Vladimir Lenin! After all, I\u2019m an MLM: Marxist\u2013Leninist\u2013Maoist.<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Marxism\u2013Leninism\u2013Maoism is as fraudulent as multilevel marketing. That\u2019s why you get screwed either way.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> We just support Putin to stave off NATO. The Soviet Union fell apart thirty years ago. I agree about the other ones, though. BRICS and Belt and Road will revolutionise the world thanks to China\u2019s leadership.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Oh, you lot.<\/p>\n

Caleb:<\/b> We\u2019re sick of this bourgeois bullshit! We\u2019re outta here! We\u2019re going to find a real<\/i><\/b> left group.<\/p>\n

Ben:<\/b> Bye! See you\u2026 or not.<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Good riddance. FFFFFF.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Were those guys tankies or something?<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> Yes, Zip, they are tankies.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> No tanks!<\/p>\n

Vova:<\/b> Ugh, seriously. Who the fuck\u2026 STALIN!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> I\u2026 ugh.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> NORTH KOREA!<\/p>\n

Jack:<\/b> You mean the North Korean People\u2019s Democratic Republic or something.<\/p>\n

Zip:<\/b> Seriously, though, fuck tankies! Tanks a lot, assholes!<\/p>\n

*Back in the USSR plays again*<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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